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What Keeps You Separated from Love?

What Keeps You Separated from Love? That’s the question. Connecting to love creates life-enhancing benefits for your health, wellness, and well-being. Love is essential from the beginning of your life affecting how you perceive yourself, others, and the world. In places where you feel disconnected, the journey of reconnection can be resolving fear, anger, and shame.

1. Fear Keeps You Separated from Love

From the start of your life, you rely on bonding, safety, and trust to get your needs met by your mother and caretakers. The nurture between mother and child promotes oxytocin hormone, the long-term bonding neurotransmitter that creates an overall sense of wellness and well-being for nurture, safe connection as well as an exploration of the world. Unresolved bonding-separation stress can create tension and fear that result in long-term insecure, anxious, or avoidant behaviors. These behaviors create repetitive life-depleting relationship patterns that leave you feeling stuck or frozen in life. Fear keeps you from taking love within yourself and in your relationships with others.

“What we call obstacles are really the way the world and our entire experience teach us where we’re stuck.” ~Pema Chödrön

Changing your response to stressful experiences that trigger you is possible today to release past trauma that constricts your life energy. This allows your body-mind-spirit system to restore more calm and peace to learn how to retrain your responses to life to experience love.

Mystery is not always about traveling to new places, it is about looking with new eyes.”~Esther Perel

2. Anger Keeps You Separated from Love

The frustration that can arise from not having your needs for love, belonging, connection, and nurture met can create what feels like gaping holes in your being. However, this anger and frustration can also point you to the doorway to resolve the past while creating the potential for meeting these unmet needs in the present.

Anger narrows your vision of what is happening in front of you. Your survival and emotional brains (unconscious processing) will look for confirmation of behaviors, traits, and patterns that trigger reenactment in order to resolve earlier traumatic experiences or keep you in fight or flight mode.

3. Shame from the Past Keeps You Separated from Love

Shame separates you from love through seeing yourself as only a person with flaws or imperfections. This can be a sense of disconnect from life through your culture’s or family’s rules. It can be led by guilt related to times where you reacted out of fear or anger. It can keep you from knowing or experiencing life beyond forgiveness for the parts of your life that have been excluded or hurt. Shame can separate you from other parts of your being and life itself through misunderstanding or not knowing how to get your basic needs for love acknowledged in an inclusive, respectful, energizing, safe, and trustworthy way.

Love yourself-accept yourself-forgive yourself-and be good to yourself because without you the rest of us are without the source of many wonderful things.”~Leo Buscaglia

When you are able to see yourself with respect and regard for all of your life’s experiences, the good you bring to life along with the “mistakes” your mind believes you made along the way this is possible. Looking through the lens of living your life as a spiritual journey in the classroom of life, you are better able to consider new experiences, connections, and diverse points of view by seeing the bigger picture for new possibilities.

Relationships teach us about ourselves. We attract and experience connection with other people in a variety of ways~all of them opportunities for growth and transformation. Conflict shows up in the midst of issues related to the need for power and control, closeness and care, respect and recognition. The issues that show up in your adult relationships relate back to your first connections and how the needs for safety, trust, bonding, and exploration were interrupted or blocked. These unmet needs created longing, loss, and interference with self-expression.

Whether it be the relationship you have with an intimate partner, a friend, a coworker or someone who lives in your neighborhood, all of these interactions are opportunities to work with the material that has kept you bound or separate from loving yourself more fully. Each person is a teacher and can be a mirror of light into a deeper recognition of something inside that matches the need for understanding, love, and compassion.

There is no other than a different version of yourself. ~Esther Perel

Wherever you are today, isolated, sad, frustrated, or exhausted, it is time to know that your Greater Self is able to take the higher lessons from your awareness of what you have experienced. By moving from conflict to empathy the pathway to love is energized so that you can take what benefits your growth, self-expression, and needs for self-care.

Through working with your experiences from relationships through time, you can begin to realize that these parts and their voices contribute to expanding your awareness of your Greater Self so that you are able to give comfort, calm, and truth to your inner world so that you resonate with a greater spectrum of experiences in your relationships.

“Love after Love” by Derek Walcott

Resolving the inner life-depleting patterns that keep you from love creates the capacity to create a new way of interacting with others. Instead of making your relationship carry the burden of your earlier experiences, you create a new template for self-care with greater integrity, joy, and love. This is expressed in your communication and choices, as this enhances your ability to bond in healthy ways that are life-enhancing for you and reflected back in others.

It is possible to work with earlier experiences related to attachment with Resonance Repattenring®sessions to transform and update the unconscious material related to-verbal trauma still stored in your survival and emotional brain today as these aspects of memory are stored so that the relevance of your experience today that respond in the same way through the fight, flight or freeze behaviors.

Kimberly Rex
Kimberly Rex, MS

Kimberly Rex, MS is an Advanced Resonance Repatterning® practitioner, Person-Centered Expressive Therapist, and Wellness and Well-being Life Coach. She works with people all over the world via Skype, by phone, in-person, and by proxy.

Find out how Resonance Repatterning benefits your life. Set up a personal session or sign up for a free monthly newsletter with articles, natural healing modalities, and exclusive group sessions here.

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